Driving home from the airport last Friday, I had a heavy feeling of emotion gradually descend upon me. As I came closer to home, the snow was falling. Once in Fremont County the weather was a full blown snow storm. I began by thinking what I was feeling was the sadness of leaving behind all the sunshine of California. Then I realized, I was returning to a place with spaciousness which was allowing some unresolved grief to emerge, and now I just needed to say hello to this task for a while.
I’ve found that grief and loss are subjects people would like to avoid. Loss can come from any number of sources. The top of mind kind is the loss from the death of someone you care about. It’s topmost in my own mind regularly because I have a unique role to play in peoples lives. In time of illness, or emergency, I walk into peoples lives to offer support, and hopefully, if I minister well, a presence of comfort.
Following a death, I facilitate the immediate process of closure through funeral or memorial services. It’s a special place of ministry for me which I truly cherish. It’s more of a beginning for a journey, rather than an end. I tell the family and friends that they are allowed to cry. I on the other hand, will be the strong one for them.
There are other causes for grief. Loss of a job can create the climate of the mind we call grief. This type of grief is experienced as a form of depression which can spiral out of control. During difficult economic times (does that phrase sound too familiar) the formation of a support group such as a “job club” where people can network and encourage each other can help increase one’s attitude of hopefulness during the search for employment. Being in the same boat, removes the sense of being somehow less than others who are fully employed.
Illness can also cause grief, especially one which requires an amputation, as was experienced by a friend in California. His situation was unusual. He had a splinter in his finger which was acquired doing woodwork. The splinter became infected, and before he knew it he had septic shock. In the course of treatment, after being taken by emergency medical services to the local hospital, he had not one but two heart attacks. There were several weeks of hospitalization, many surgeries to remove the diseased tissue and ultimately the amputation of one thumb.
Needless to say, the alternative was far graver. He is very grateful to be alive. But people have a way of thoughtlessly asking about his wellbeing. One person inquires, “how’s your thumb?” to which he pointedly replies, “I don’t have it anymore.” He’s a good natured person, and he might even choose at some point to change the response. But truth be told, I’m certain he realizes every day, there some things he just isn’t able to do absent the thumb digit of his right hand. One task comes immediately to mind for me, the space bar key for typing. I just tried to type this one sentence without using my right thumb and failed at every opportunity. That’s just one example of how he must adapt to the loss which surely comes with emotions that need to be confronted. Can you imagine the loss that returning soldiers experience from being wounded in service to this country?
Grief can manifest itself in many forms. Anger, loss of sleep, or too much sleep, overeating and not eating are all possible manifestations of grief. Unexplained tearfulness or agitation at otherwise normal activities can be temporary. Any of these symptoms continuing beyond a two week period are a cause of concern. Start with a conversation with your family physician.
As a pastor, I look for and also learn of specialized resources which are available in the region. Ashton’s location is not optimal for seeking a support group for every special situation of grief. It’s also a sad fact that a local mental health clinic recently closed. But there are resources available and if you need help locating them please give me a call. If you are feeling desperate and at your wits end, please do not suffer alone.
One general grief recovery resource will become available in March through Hospice of Eastern Idaho in the form of a Grief and Loss support group.* I have recommended this resource to others in the past and have heard back that the experience was right on target to get the individual moving beyond the loss of the loved one. The ten sessions will be held on Monday evenings 5:30 to 7 pm starting March 2nd and continue through May 4th.
In our family we like to say “Denial is not just a river in Egypt.” Denial is a coping mechanism, and a phase of grief. It can be both blessing and curse. Embracing and confronting grief is a special journey of the soul which I pray you will travel well knowing that God is at your side. Leaving your grief unattended will not take away the work of the soul which you need to do. Some people will put off facing the important soul work for so many years that they honestly believe they have resolved all the loss. Denial is a form of self-deception with sorrowful consequences. I pray that you will not fall into this trap.
May you too join with the psalmist who wrote “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord, I will give you thanks forever.” Psalm 30:11-12
Shalom,
Barbara
* Call 529-0342 to register. Classes will be at the office located 1810 Moran Street Idaho Falls, ID. There is a new you waiting to be birthed out of whatever loss you have experienced and companions to walk with you, if only you will seek them out.
I believe that God calls many to special healing ministries, they are found working in the secular and public arena. Doctors, therapists, are among those specially gifted to assist you in the journey of the soul. Since you are online let me recommend a free website to read more about medical understanding of grief and depression.
If the death of the loved one occurred through suicide, please check out the national website for Suicide Prevention Action Network and through EIRMC for a special grief support group.
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