Healing Minister

Jehovah Rapha... God who heals

Two and a half years ago I attended a weekend Healing Mission conducted by the Order of St. Luke the Physician.
 
That weekend I committed to engage in a study of the stories of Jesus' healing ministry in the Gospels. The scriptures are full of stories of God's reconciling and restoring work during Jesus' life. What about today?

That weekend in January was one of many places along a five year journey to understand the healing ministry in the Church. It has been a fitful journey, with starts and abrupt stops many times along the way. I signed up as an associate member of the Order of St. Luke but could not make a viable connection.
The obstacles seemed as much directed by the Spirit as anything could. I continued my studies independently, attending many different events named as healing services and classes.

I've always felt a part of my call was to peacemaking, one that included facilitating reconciliation and peace, but struggled relentlessly to find a genuine expression of that call, especially a sacramental expression, something that could be experienced within the context of worship. 

How could I integrate healing into my ministry? Intention to offer oneself as an intercessor for healing ministry is an awesome and scary step. Would I have to be a wild eyed crazy person, like the movie character played by Chevy Chase or those television evangelists? If that's what it would require, there's no way I would submit myself to that type of calling or ministry..no wild eyed evangelist for me!

During Lent in 2011 I had the privilege of framing the question  within a five week course which I taught collaboratively with our Interim Priest, Fr. Paul Price. This course opened up to me the rich tradition the Episcopal Church maintains as a leader in integrating healing ritual into the liturgy.

What I discovered is that Anglicans have been offering a dignified ministry of anointing and healing prayer within worship, at special services, and in pastoral care settings following in the tradition of the early church.

And since collaborating on that course we have offered a weekly healing service with Holy Eucharist. participating in the service offering intercessory prayer and joining in the laying on of hands has been one of the most precious places of ministry during the past year.

This month I asked God, how was I supposed to be faithful to the call that was placed on my heart, and one of the answers was "deepen your healing ministry."

But Lord, do I have enough faith?

The Spirit whispered..."I have given you sufficient faith. Go, be true to the call...you are a minister of healing in my name."

Disciplined walking

It was cold and windy last night!

When I went to bed I remember thinking “I don’t want to go walking in that cold wind.”

I even thought that it was going to snow overnight, it felt so cold when I came home in the dark evening.

So, this morning, when I awoke, the thought of rebellion came up to the surface again.

While I love the routine of walking early in the morning, this was one of those mornings where I really wasn’t eager, enthusiastic or delighted with the prospect of stepping out into the cold morning.

Instead, I put it off, and went to check email…

And facebook….

And search the web for ideas for a paper…

And read an article about Rabbi Abraham Herschel and Martin Luther King which told about their roles together working in the civil rights movement and Vietnam War opposition of the 1960s.

Finally, something Abraham Heschel* wrote began to ignite my motivation to get up and walk.

Heschel wrote of his participation in the civil rights marches, “my legs were praying.”

Thanks God, that was the kick I needed.

Morning walks are my time of Morning Prayer. I step out the door and collect my thoughts, recalling the people my life touches that are in need of prayer. Psalm 100 is my opening verse. Holy, Holy, Holy is frequently on my lips. I dispense with the prayer book, and rely on the words of songs, prayers and scripture which have become deeply embedded to rise up as I appreciate the beauty of my surroundings.

This morning, the prayers included people that now have difficulty, due to their health, to enjoy the simple pleasure of walking. I confessed my own reluctance to face this morning’s wind and cold and offered thanks for the extra layers of clothes I could put on to keep me from shivering.

Morning walking is an important component in my spiritual life. It is both physical and spiritual care. When my schedule limits my ability to maintain this discipline, I feel deprived. I can understand why the Gospels tell us that Jesus went off alone because my soul, my very being also requires this active time of prayer.

In this season of epiphany, we are all invited to look for God manifest around us. How are you experiencing God’s presence, and how do you replenish your spiritual well?

Do you need a partner to help you find time for discerning God’s presence in your life?

May you be blessed to discover that this month is filled with opportunity and delight in God’s ever expanding presence in the world.

* January 13 is the anniversary of the death of Rabbi Heschel. Rabbi Waschow explains that in Judaism the tradition of remembering the departed is done on the anniversary of the death, rather than the birthday because “only at one’s death do we know the entirety of the person.” Anglicans also use the date of one’s death to remember our saints, which is why Martin Luther King is in our cycle of Holy Women, Holy Men on April 4th.

Along the pilgrims road ... Anglicanization continues

Run the course…
And when you trip,
stop and catch your breath.

Run the course…
And when you fall,
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

The first semester has come to a close. The last day of classes are now just a memory. New bonds of love formed in the crucible of academic rigor bind me deeper into the Anglican community.

In the past three months I have pushed through volumes of material, much of which is still working to inform my ministry and calling to the priesthood.

I have experienced the grace of being held in prayer by my community at St. Timothy’s and many others who have been a part of my pilgrimage of faith. I thank God for each of you, because, your prayers and encouragement have sustained me through the very toughest days. There have been a few days where I ate the bread of tears mingled with the bread of life.

This morning as I was walking I remembered that, and the substitute I song I offered in my sermon on the first Sunday of Advent. We need one more verse to bring full understanding in this song.

“It’s okay to pout, it’s okay to cry
That is reason Jesus came to live and die.
Jesus Christ knows our fears and our pain.
Still, Jesus loves us with our frail ways.”

Advent, the time of looking to Christ’s glorious reign on earth, is soon to be replaced with the glorious recitation of His First Coming once again.

Soon we will be gathered to celebrate the Feast of the Incarnation. We will marvel again at the gift of Godself to us. We will recall the blessed event of the nativity of Jesus, and find hope for our weary souls as we watch children take such delight on Christmas day.

I pray that each of you will feel God’s presence in new and profound ways. The great mystery of the incarnation is God’s wonderful self disclosure.

Advent Song..Hmn Hmn Hmn is coming to Town

Parousia


You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I’m telling you why
Jesus Christ is coming to town.

He sees you when you’re waking
He knows when you’re asleep
He knows when you’re behaving
Like an onry stupid sheep.

You better watch out, you better not lie,
Always love your neighbor, this is why
Jesus says he’s present in them.

I want you to know there’s nothing to fear
Jesus loves you, he’s holding you dear.
Jesus Christ is present always.

We call upon our Father
in Heaven as we pray.
We ask him to pour blessings
On the bread and wine and us.

When we eat the bread, and take from the cup
Jesus Christ comes into our hearts
So trust in him and do your part.

I want you to know there’s nothing to fear
Jesus loves you, he’s staying quite near.
Watch for Jesus everyday.

Anglican Studies

I’m on the road toward ordination, and I’m going back to school!

This is the class of students I met for the first time at the Bloy House orientation on August13. Does the scenery look familiar? Yes it's the campus of Claremont School of Theology, with Butler Building and Kresge Chapel.

Many questions have been asked about just what exactly is entailed before I will be ready for ordination. I hope this will help everyone understand what I will need to do before reaching the place of being available to search for a call to any parish or mission in the Episcopal Church.

Much of the usual seminary education is already complete but there are specific classes which are required before I will be eligible to take the General Ordination Exam (GOE). Bishop Bruno calls this being “retread” as an Anglican. I prefer to think of it as “Finishing School”. Either way, the purpose is to provide the specific knowledge base required to effectively serve as a priest in the Episcopal Church. The course work is called Anglican Studies.

There are five classes for certain which I will need to take. Two courses called Anglicanism I and Anglicanism II provide a foundation of the History, Theology, Polity and Spirituality of the worldwide Anglican Communion. Liturgics provides training in worship specific to the Episcopal Church. Church Leadership provides training in leading and administration for parish ministry. Latino Spiritualities is a requirement for all LA Diocese postulants for priesthood. Additional courses may be required by Bishop Bruno. I won’t know for certain until after I have attended the Retreat for Nominees and met with the Commission on Ministry on November 3, 4.

Classes meet on Friday evening and Saturday at the campus of Claremont School of Theology. I will spend the night at a local retreat center, Myra House, to reduce the mental and physical wear of commuting. The expense of gas and wear on our vehicles would be about equal to what I will spend per night for the housing, a $30 contribution to Myra House for each night. Seminary students form community through shared meals, fellowship, and worship as well as our time in class. I’m looking forward to the bonds that I will make with postulants, nominees and lay members from Los Angeles and San Diego Diocese.

Since Bishop Bruno granted permission for me to begin studies before meeting with the Commission on Ministry there is a bit of a catch 22 economically. I am entirely responsible for all costs, but allowed to beg upon the charity of all who might be willing to offer financial support. Tuition and books for seminary education is comparable to the costs for any Master’s level course work, $450 per unit plus the expense of all books. This semester I am enrolled in a fulltime course load, 9 units at a cost of $4050. Required texts would be over $400. There are no student loans available for students enrolled in Bloy House and scholarship funds are very limited for non-postulant students. Postulants of the LA Diocese do receive scholarships covering 40% of the tuition. The catch is that if I were to wait to start in the winter, I would further delay being eligible to take the GOE which is only administered once each year. So it’s a scary decision, a matter of faith and trust in the Lord that Tim and I will be provided for to meet our living expenses. Please cover us in prayer for our financial needs. The economy hasn’t been very cooperative for us at present. Okay... well shameless begging goes here... If you can see fit to send financial support you will be blessed and I will be eternally grateful.

Some questions have been raised about how individuals might be able to help me with expenses. Our interim priest at St. Timothy's is Father Paul Price. Please speak with Father Paul about your interest. He has explained to me that he will be able to help me using his discretionary fund and will be able to instruct you on how you can receive a tax deduction. Thankfully, our Deacons Nicholas and Liz, have many of the required texts and are loaning them to me for the semester. Fr. Paul is providing me guidance on which texts I really should make a priority to add to my own library, for purpose of ministry and to prepare for GOE.

Timing is one of the big questions I get frequently. “How soon before you are ordained?” Short answer, I am working with a goal to eligible to take the GOE in January of 2013. Ordination as a deacon is first. Then after a minimum of six months service as a deacon I would be eligible for ordination as a priest.
From time to time I will be writing and posting to the blog as a way of sharing my journey.

Note to readers: I was asked to write something for the church newsletter. This is a slightly revised edition of what will appear in the September edition of St. Timothy's Times

Black, Crosses and Confessions; Reflecting on Good Friday

I am reflecting on Good Friday while waiting for tonight’s Easter Vigil.

Good Friday is about confessions, the cross and obedience unto death.

It is said that confession is good for the soul. I tell others that practicing what you teach builds authenticity and integrity in community.

I confess that I feel I deprived my children of some of the most poignant opportunities for learning about the core of our faith as Christians. I don’t take all the blame for this failure of parenting in the religious traditions. The decision to find a community of faith that would provide for the weekly religious instruction of the boys while we attended worship felt like the appropriate thing at the time. In almost all their years growing up, we attended worship weekly. We were not just Christmas and Easter Christians. We taught them through our shared experience, that participation in Christian community was a core family value. Nevertheless, I feel that in an important way our children missed out on some important religious experiences, and I doubt that can be corrected on my part. They knew that grandparents on both sides attended “kneeling Church.” But rarely did they actually experience worship on their own knees. Now, they will have to discover for themselves some of the lesser practiced traditions of the Catholic Church; things like veneration of the cross, and Easter Vigils, if they are ever to know what it is to follow the traditions of the highly liturgical Catholic streams in the Body of Christ.

For years I had seen the telecasts of the Vatican commemoration of Good Friday, observing the Pope’s journey with the cross. I watched masses of people engage in the veneration of the cross and find myself thinking how strange that seemed. Initially I questioned this practice thinking it suspect and verging on idolatry, as most who are instilled with the attitudes of the protestant reformation will assert.

After our children came of age and moved out of the home, Tim and I began to reclaim some of the practices of his childhood. When our United Methodist congregation did not offer a Good Friday Service, we would check the schedules and attend the service at the Roman Catholic Church. But in attending those services, we came almost as guests to the community, visitors and therefore more as observers than full members of the church, despite all that is said about us belonging to the one body of Chris universal.

When time came in the service for the veneration of the cross, we sat with reverence, not engaging in the display of affection and veneration.

Speaking for myself, I felt rather frozen to my place in the sanctuary. It was one thing to reflect on the significance of Jesus’ death on the cross; his obedience to our Heavenly Father, and my culpability and vicarious participation in his crucifixion. It was an entirely different thing to move from my place in the sanctuary and step toward the altar to participate in such a public demonstration. Now I can say, “What a pity for me, a missed opportunity.”

Even as a pastor for a small congregation, while I began to push and challenge my members, adding a Good Friday service to the Holy Week schedule in the first two years, still, the idea of including veneration of the cross to our worship was inconceivable. Attendance at our service was so feeble in year one and two that subsequently I encouraged members to join with our Lutheran Brothers and Sisters in Christ in marking the Holy Day. This was one of those places were I realized that perhaps I was more Catholic than Methodist.

It is good to reflect back on these places of learning. The Missouri Synod Lutheran congregation held a somber enough service, reflecting on the passion of Jesus Christ. It avoided those “popish” practices of veneration of the cross. It filled much of my need to mark the life and death in final preparation for the much anticipated celebration of Jesus’ resurrection. I don’t know that I would have felt at ease to participate in any act of veneration of the cross among the beautiful people of Ashton. I think I would have probably observed and refrained from approaching a cross that lay at the front of the sanctuary if it had been included in the service. This because I believe I was still largely trapped and frozen within an intellectualized faith, lacking full body participation in terms of worship, yet being pulled by the Holy Spirit to recover what the early church fathers had passed on from generation to generation.

This year, with the change of Priest at St. Timothy’s, I have been blessed to experience liturgical design and leadership in a new way. Fr. Paul has filled our week with the ancient practices for the modern day. Timeless and timely ritual for the body, mind, and spirit, including an opportunity to venerate the cross within our Good Friday worship service. For the first time, I was able to see and feel this practice as a member of the community gathered. In this way, I was able to come with my whole self in devotion to God, in reverence to Jesus Christ, and with openness to the work of the Holy Spirit; without inhibition or embarrassment.

As I remained in silent meditation following my time at the cross and altar, I also reflected on those who followed. Many very senior members of the congregation, with painful and unsteady joints, approached and kneeled, displaying humility and devotion in their approach. But the most moving of all that I observed, were those that came together as a unit, parent and sons, grandmother and grandson. These are the ones whose devotion and faithfulness to their baptismal vows the Holy Spirit used to prick my conscience and expose the deprivation of my own past.

Lamb of God, that takes away the sin of the world, have mercy on me, a sinner.

When one enters seminary to prepare for ordained ministry, one goes thinking they are sure about their place in the household of God. One merely goes with trust that God will mold and form us in the image of Christ, to bring others to faith, and to tend to the souls of those placed in our care. When I said yes to the call of Christ to follow that path, I never expected that the Holy Spirit would be leading me back toward the church of my youth. I only knew that I must follow the command, to pick up the cross and expect to be built up by the Holy Spirit for the work which lay before me. How I thank my Lord for leading me to this time, place and community, to continue to grow in grace and love for the work to which he is ever and always preparing ahead of me.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

Vigil of a peculiar people

“Could you not stay awake for just one hour?”

Holy week is the most passionate time in the life of the Catholic Church. Within the span of eight days the church reenacts the significant events in the life of Jesus of Nazareth. Having spent many years in churches of the Protestant Reformation, away from the Anglican Episcopal tradition of my youth, and the Roman Catholic tradition of my husband’s youth, I marvel at how much I missed of being able to experience with my whole self the teachings and ultimate sacrifice of Jesus.

On Palm Sunday and again from Thursday evening through Friday night, we retell the passion story and act out the dedication and love that Jesus demonstrated to his disciples. In so doing, through several acts and actions, we write the words of Scripture upon our bodies.

Liturgy comes from a Greek word. It means “the work of the people.” During Holy week, more than almost any other time, the services truly are the work of the people. A Maundy Thursday service with a foot washing service as well as celebration of the Eucharist act out the story told through the voice of John the Evangelist. This service is humbling and tender. It allows much time for sitting in silence with the Holy while others are served. In this service one really must dispense with any interest in monitoring time. For this service is one of kairos, God’s time, not chronos, time of human understanding and measurement.

Last night, at the conclusion of our service, the stage was set to reenact the night in the Garden of Gethsemane as a vigil attending the consecrated Bread and Wine was held.

As I was driving home between the service my scheduled time at Midnight I had an amusing thought. I was thinking about Jesus’ words of tender rebuke to the ones who fell asleep during prayer. I was thinking about how I could prepare to stay awake. Should I have a cup of coffee? Stop at Starbucks on the way home?

What if Peter had said to Jesus, “ Lord, why didn’t you tell us you planned on staying out all night in the Garden? We could have drunk less wine, had a cup of coffee instead.”

Peter couldn’t tell Jesus, “Hey, Messiah, let’s stop at Starbucks on our way to the Garden.”

Peter said a lot of things that Jesus shook his head at, but suggesting stopping for coffee wasn’t one of them.

So I figured that took Starbucks out of the equation for me last night. I didn’t even make special preparation during the day, by taking a nap. So I came home, spent a few minutes preparing what clothes needed for Friday and then, sat down to read, but skipping my usual pot of Chamomile tea, hoping to stay alert enough through the night.

But just like the disciples in the Garden, I couldn’t remain alert.

My body insisted on a short nap. Without that nap I would have been a greater danger to others on the road as I returned to take my watch at the Lady’s Altar in the rear of the sanctuary.

Last night will hold a special memory for me. During those hours I reflected on the earnestness of the disciples, and their frail ability to be fully present in the company of Jesus during his last hours of earthbound life in human form. In their story I saw my own inability to remain attentive to God’s presence. Yet, never once did I feel that Christ felt any bitterness or distaste for me, only a tender and compassionate love.

“Forbid it Lord that I should boast,
save in the death of Christ, my God;
all the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to his blood.”
Isaac Watts