Along the pilgrims road ...becoming Anglicanized part 1

Introduction: The life of any seminarian consists of continuous consumption of new reading material, reflecting and writing. That regular pattern has taken away considerable amounts of "free time" which I might otherwise use to blog. Thus, to maintain some form of connection to those of you who share a concern in my journey, I've decided to post a few of the reflections submitted to the professors.

Today and tomorrow I will be posting from my liturgics class.

Reading Reflection A Theology of Worship

There are two things that especially struck me as important as I was reading A Theology of Worship this week. The chapter on Music and the chapter on the Sacraments each provided much to think about as I think about planning worship in a particular context.

In “Whose Music?” I found it interesting to think about how music has influenced my own faith. My first official place of service within the church was in choir. I have long held to the idea that to sing is to pray twice. Through the singing of hymns, I have both said Amen and been left with a strange and uncomfortable feeling. I think we have all experienced an internal rejection of one hymn claim or another as we have participated in Ecumenical gatherings. Of course not all hymns are prayers. Some pieces of music serve, as Weil points out, essentially to fill the silence which would otherwise occur due to the liturgical actions taking place at the altar. The music serves to fill silent space, and asking “whose music?” is to respect the diversity of contexts in which the Episcopal Church lives out a faithful presence. Respecting creative diversity which arises as a result of cultural diversity is important in the work of extending the reign of God in the world.

“Whose Sacraments?” was very thought provoking, helping me reflect on the influence of individualistic thinking upon the Christian life. Louis Weil writes, in A Theology of Worship “Sacramental actions always pertain to the corporate life of the whole Christian community and their purpose is to build up its unity in a common life and faith. That is why I emphasize so strongly the importance of a shared recognition of what these actions mean within a Christian Community. That meaning is never a private or individual matter.” (125) As I was reading these words I found myself saying both yes and no. Yes, because I see that Baptism is a communal action. And yes because I also could not imagine Holy Communion, the Eucharist, being something one did alone. The no arises as I reflect on the words I remember saying often as a part of the liturgy which asks of God that we “would not take (of communion) for solace only but also for strength.” These words have always seemed to me to be spoken as an individual request. Yes, as we say the words together, a corporate request is being formed as well as an individual supplication. This idea, of thinking of communion not as an individual pietistic expression, but as a communal recognition and strengthening will be a place of continuing reflection for me. It will probably significantly influence my preaching, as I have often spoken of receiving communion as a means of grace, thinking in terms of the relationship between the individual and God. So the question I would ask of Weil is, aren’t the sacraments both individual and communal?

Saints-You Saint-Me

Last Sunday’s epistle lesson is still rattling around in my head.
That’s not a bad thing. In fact it’s quite good to have a passage keep working within me. That, for me, is a sign that I am encountering the Logos, the WORD, and being ever so softly and gently prodded to take note of the message for the world today.

The lesson from Romans 12:9-21,(Found here) was used at our Eucharist Service at Bloy House on Saturday as well as at the principle worship services Sunday.

I was the lay reader for the lesson on Saturday, but was not fully prepared for the day’s assignment. Small communication issues, and only cursory reading of the text on Saturday, along with the reality that as a reader, one is more concerned with performance, articulation and pronunciation, than comprehension and engagement of the text itself meant that the Word was not yet fully heard by my own ears or received in my heart.

Sunday morning, however, it was an entirely different matter. Now, seated in the chancel during our early service, I was fully present to the word. I was one with ears and ready to hear to the word of the Lord.

In hearing the text read by another voice, one phrase jumped out at me.

“Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.”

I was grabbed by the Holy Spirit to hear, and remember the original context.

The saints the Apostle Paul was referring to weren’t those dead and gone to glory saints we think of. NO, not those!

The saints were the faithful. They were the followers of the way. Those servants of God that shared Eucharist week by week, or perhaps even some shared it day by day. The saints were those who labored for the master to increase the harvest of souls for the kingdom of God on earth.

This is an experience of Lectio Divina. Encountering the living Word, through the hearing of the reading of the text. Lectio Divina works to shift our attentions and senses. It works by forcing us not to rely on our eyes and to allow the ears to work to engage the Holy. It wasn’t a casual statement that Jesus would make as he gave instruction; “Let those who have ears, listen.”

But I digress, a bit.

Back to the great aha for me.

I was remembering a brief encounter with the Editor of St. Timothy’s Newsletter. She commented on the article (posted below) submitted for September’s issue that explained my process toward ordination. Her word was to say, there was no “shameless begging” in writing the reality of costs and need for support. It was important for the members to understand the breadth and depth of commitment and resources required in order to raise up the ordained ministers needed for God’s work on earth. At the time I nodded in agreement, but maybe not fully believing, on a personal level that I should expect that support.

Now, I hear the letter to the saints in Rome, and by extension to all of us in the present age and realize, I am a saint deserving support.

For years I have spoken on behalf of the saints in service to missions abroad asking for support.

I have asked for contributions to build homes with people who desire a simple decent place to live.

I asked for money to help bring immediate comfort in times of disasters, and for funds to rebuild after devastations from fire, floods, tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes.

I asked for food contributions to aid seniors, homeless and unemployed.

I reminded people that the children of the world need full bellies in order to learn about the love of God and to grow in wisdom and knowledge to become self-sufficient.

I have pleaded for the widows and orphans, and along with my small financial resources encouraged others to support the work of the church around the world.

I could list on and on the causes I have asked for support for, and missioners I have encouraged through the support of congregations. Suffice it to say that it has always been for someone else, some other saints, that I have made the case, not for my own benefit.

Never once did I do so, with the expectation that at some point I too would become the object of a plea for support, thus acting in some sort of proactive quid pro quo manner.

But, in hearing the text this past Sunday, the Word reminded me that I am a saint, faithful in following the commands and invitations of Christ. I am also worthy of the support that the saints, the faithful of God, (that would be you, the reader) can offer to bring glory to God in our shared ministry. I also must state my needs as so many have before, making my needs known.

In fact, it seems that the lesson Tim and I are being urged by the Holy Spirit to learn is one about interdependence. It seems pretty clear that relying solely upon our own resources is not part of God’s design. Independence is a mirage. Learning to find support through the community has been part of the model for the followers of the way since the beginning of the Way, at least that is the model found in the Book of Acts.

We need prayer support. We desire an opening of the way that he would once again see success in his work. I require your prayers for energy and focus to complete the course of study that is laid out before me. We desire to be faithful in following the call that has been placed upon us as a couple to be servants in ministry with a congregation and within a community.

“DO not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.”

Anglican Studies

I’m on the road toward ordination, and I’m going back to school!

This is the class of students I met for the first time at the Bloy House orientation on August13. Does the scenery look familiar? Yes it's the campus of Claremont School of Theology, with Butler Building and Kresge Chapel.

Many questions have been asked about just what exactly is entailed before I will be ready for ordination. I hope this will help everyone understand what I will need to do before reaching the place of being available to search for a call to any parish or mission in the Episcopal Church.

Much of the usual seminary education is already complete but there are specific classes which are required before I will be eligible to take the General Ordination Exam (GOE). Bishop Bruno calls this being “retread” as an Anglican. I prefer to think of it as “Finishing School”. Either way, the purpose is to provide the specific knowledge base required to effectively serve as a priest in the Episcopal Church. The course work is called Anglican Studies.

There are five classes for certain which I will need to take. Two courses called Anglicanism I and Anglicanism II provide a foundation of the History, Theology, Polity and Spirituality of the worldwide Anglican Communion. Liturgics provides training in worship specific to the Episcopal Church. Church Leadership provides training in leading and administration for parish ministry. Latino Spiritualities is a requirement for all LA Diocese postulants for priesthood. Additional courses may be required by Bishop Bruno. I won’t know for certain until after I have attended the Retreat for Nominees and met with the Commission on Ministry on November 3, 4.

Classes meet on Friday evening and Saturday at the campus of Claremont School of Theology. I will spend the night at a local retreat center, Myra House, to reduce the mental and physical wear of commuting. The expense of gas and wear on our vehicles would be about equal to what I will spend per night for the housing, a $30 contribution to Myra House for each night. Seminary students form community through shared meals, fellowship, and worship as well as our time in class. I’m looking forward to the bonds that I will make with postulants, nominees and lay members from Los Angeles and San Diego Diocese.

Since Bishop Bruno granted permission for me to begin studies before meeting with the Commission on Ministry there is a bit of a catch 22 economically. I am entirely responsible for all costs, but allowed to beg upon the charity of all who might be willing to offer financial support. Tuition and books for seminary education is comparable to the costs for any Master’s level course work, $450 per unit plus the expense of all books. This semester I am enrolled in a fulltime course load, 9 units at a cost of $4050. Required texts would be over $400. There are no student loans available for students enrolled in Bloy House and scholarship funds are very limited for non-postulant students. Postulants of the LA Diocese do receive scholarships covering 40% of the tuition. The catch is that if I were to wait to start in the winter, I would further delay being eligible to take the GOE which is only administered once each year. So it’s a scary decision, a matter of faith and trust in the Lord that Tim and I will be provided for to meet our living expenses. Please cover us in prayer for our financial needs. The economy hasn’t been very cooperative for us at present. Okay... well shameless begging goes here... If you can see fit to send financial support you will be blessed and I will be eternally grateful.

Some questions have been raised about how individuals might be able to help me with expenses. Our interim priest at St. Timothy's is Father Paul Price. Please speak with Father Paul about your interest. He has explained to me that he will be able to help me using his discretionary fund and will be able to instruct you on how you can receive a tax deduction. Thankfully, our Deacons Nicholas and Liz, have many of the required texts and are loaning them to me for the semester. Fr. Paul is providing me guidance on which texts I really should make a priority to add to my own library, for purpose of ministry and to prepare for GOE.

Timing is one of the big questions I get frequently. “How soon before you are ordained?” Short answer, I am working with a goal to eligible to take the GOE in January of 2013. Ordination as a deacon is first. Then after a minimum of six months service as a deacon I would be eligible for ordination as a priest.
From time to time I will be writing and posting to the blog as a way of sharing my journey.

Note to readers: I was asked to write something for the church newsletter. This is a slightly revised edition of what will appear in the September edition of St. Timothy's Times

Black, Crosses and Confessions; Reflecting on Good Friday

I am reflecting on Good Friday while waiting for tonight’s Easter Vigil.

Good Friday is about confessions, the cross and obedience unto death.

It is said that confession is good for the soul. I tell others that practicing what you teach builds authenticity and integrity in community.

I confess that I feel I deprived my children of some of the most poignant opportunities for learning about the core of our faith as Christians. I don’t take all the blame for this failure of parenting in the religious traditions. The decision to find a community of faith that would provide for the weekly religious instruction of the boys while we attended worship felt like the appropriate thing at the time. In almost all their years growing up, we attended worship weekly. We were not just Christmas and Easter Christians. We taught them through our shared experience, that participation in Christian community was a core family value. Nevertheless, I feel that in an important way our children missed out on some important religious experiences, and I doubt that can be corrected on my part. They knew that grandparents on both sides attended “kneeling Church.” But rarely did they actually experience worship on their own knees. Now, they will have to discover for themselves some of the lesser practiced traditions of the Catholic Church; things like veneration of the cross, and Easter Vigils, if they are ever to know what it is to follow the traditions of the highly liturgical Catholic streams in the Body of Christ.

For years I had seen the telecasts of the Vatican commemoration of Good Friday, observing the Pope’s journey with the cross. I watched masses of people engage in the veneration of the cross and find myself thinking how strange that seemed. Initially I questioned this practice thinking it suspect and verging on idolatry, as most who are instilled with the attitudes of the protestant reformation will assert.

After our children came of age and moved out of the home, Tim and I began to reclaim some of the practices of his childhood. When our United Methodist congregation did not offer a Good Friday Service, we would check the schedules and attend the service at the Roman Catholic Church. But in attending those services, we came almost as guests to the community, visitors and therefore more as observers than full members of the church, despite all that is said about us belonging to the one body of Chris universal.

When time came in the service for the veneration of the cross, we sat with reverence, not engaging in the display of affection and veneration.

Speaking for myself, I felt rather frozen to my place in the sanctuary. It was one thing to reflect on the significance of Jesus’ death on the cross; his obedience to our Heavenly Father, and my culpability and vicarious participation in his crucifixion. It was an entirely different thing to move from my place in the sanctuary and step toward the altar to participate in such a public demonstration. Now I can say, “What a pity for me, a missed opportunity.”

Even as a pastor for a small congregation, while I began to push and challenge my members, adding a Good Friday service to the Holy Week schedule in the first two years, still, the idea of including veneration of the cross to our worship was inconceivable. Attendance at our service was so feeble in year one and two that subsequently I encouraged members to join with our Lutheran Brothers and Sisters in Christ in marking the Holy Day. This was one of those places were I realized that perhaps I was more Catholic than Methodist.

It is good to reflect back on these places of learning. The Missouri Synod Lutheran congregation held a somber enough service, reflecting on the passion of Jesus Christ. It avoided those “popish” practices of veneration of the cross. It filled much of my need to mark the life and death in final preparation for the much anticipated celebration of Jesus’ resurrection. I don’t know that I would have felt at ease to participate in any act of veneration of the cross among the beautiful people of Ashton. I think I would have probably observed and refrained from approaching a cross that lay at the front of the sanctuary if it had been included in the service. This because I believe I was still largely trapped and frozen within an intellectualized faith, lacking full body participation in terms of worship, yet being pulled by the Holy Spirit to recover what the early church fathers had passed on from generation to generation.

This year, with the change of Priest at St. Timothy’s, I have been blessed to experience liturgical design and leadership in a new way. Fr. Paul has filled our week with the ancient practices for the modern day. Timeless and timely ritual for the body, mind, and spirit, including an opportunity to venerate the cross within our Good Friday worship service. For the first time, I was able to see and feel this practice as a member of the community gathered. In this way, I was able to come with my whole self in devotion to God, in reverence to Jesus Christ, and with openness to the work of the Holy Spirit; without inhibition or embarrassment.

As I remained in silent meditation following my time at the cross and altar, I also reflected on those who followed. Many very senior members of the congregation, with painful and unsteady joints, approached and kneeled, displaying humility and devotion in their approach. But the most moving of all that I observed, were those that came together as a unit, parent and sons, grandmother and grandson. These are the ones whose devotion and faithfulness to their baptismal vows the Holy Spirit used to prick my conscience and expose the deprivation of my own past.

Lamb of God, that takes away the sin of the world, have mercy on me, a sinner.

When one enters seminary to prepare for ordained ministry, one goes thinking they are sure about their place in the household of God. One merely goes with trust that God will mold and form us in the image of Christ, to bring others to faith, and to tend to the souls of those placed in our care. When I said yes to the call of Christ to follow that path, I never expected that the Holy Spirit would be leading me back toward the church of my youth. I only knew that I must follow the command, to pick up the cross and expect to be built up by the Holy Spirit for the work which lay before me. How I thank my Lord for leading me to this time, place and community, to continue to grow in grace and love for the work to which he is ever and always preparing ahead of me.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18